Dating After Divorce

Celebrity matchmaker, Jasmine Diaz offers up her relationship advice exclusively on VeryUnmarried.

For many, it has been a long time since you’ve dated. Jumping back into the dating pool may not sound exciting, especially after marriage, but there are a few things to keep in mind before moving ahead that you should take note. The journey can be fun if you are willing to put a few things into perspective.

#1 Your next is not your ex

There are many reasons why people choose to divorce. Whatever those reasons may be, do not compare your ex husband or wife to the new person you meet. Dating is hard as it is, but once you start tacking on the baggage from the last relationship, it becomes more difficult. This is a recipe for failure.

The new guy or gal has done nothing to you to deserve your criticism, ridicule, distrust, etc. You owe it to yourself (and him/her) to let it go. We’ve all been through trauma in relationships, and a lot of those experiences helped shape who we are today. Rather than living in the past, give the new person in your life an opportunity to build a new future with you. Forget the comparisons because the truth is, no one will measure up. They will either be better than or worse than, so let go and let God.

#2  Find solace in friends

Your friends can be your best defense after a terrible breakup. They know you, your history and can provide the insight you will need to help you navigate through the tough terrain called dating.

Surround yourself with a positive support system and ask for help when you feel like the process is too overwhelming. Dating is an emotional ordeal, but as long as you have a great team to cheer you up when things go wrong (because they will), you will make it through with flying colors.

#3 It takes time

No one wants to be alone.  As uncomfortable as you may be with this notion, it is important that you understand that dating does not cure loneliness. In fact, dating can make loneliness even worse due to disappointment in prospects, rejection, etc. If you are not fully prepared for the journey, you are guaranteed to fail.

Take some time to evaluate your reasons for wanting to find love again and decide if those reasons are strong enough to support the process. You may find that you are still healing and if you are, let yourself heal! Trust that you will meet someone special when the time is right.

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