Exclusive Dating Apps Are Terrible For Your Love Life. Here’s 3 Reasons Why

With all the new exclusive dating apps out there, the dating landscape is headed for a major change, but I’m not exactly sure it’s a positive one.

Dating apps like Raya and Tinder Select certainly make for great table conversation, because once you’ve made it in the “in” crowd, you’ve officially become “special.” But what exactly does that say about those who don’t pass go and collect that figurative $200? And what about those who are on the list but still can’t land “Mr(s). Right?”

While the concept, in theory, sounds nice (because who doesn’t love the idea of running into a very single Trevor Noah), exclusive dating apps are simply not a good idea. Here’s a few reasons why:

#1 They reinforce all the negative things we think about our single selves.

“You’re not good enough, attractive enough or successful enough to find a partner.” Do those words sound familiar?

Picture this: You’re excited to visit this new local hotspot, but the hostess confronts you at the door and says, “You’re not creative enough to mingle with Beyoncé.” Exclusive dating apps, for those who don’t qualify, suggest that “You’re not worth being in a relationship with,” and that’s the wrong message to be sending to any dater.

Singles need more positive affirmation to keep their head in the game, but when an app suggests that you’re not even good enough to swipe left on, it’s a major blow to one’s confidence.

#2 Finding authentic people will become harder.

The shroud of secrecy surrounding membership in these clubs has created a desire to be “on the list.” And while this secrecy is certainly proving to be a public relations dream, it doesn’t make finding great people any better. In fact, it’s likely more difficult.

Instead of fostering new relationships with like-minded people; people who are genuinely seeking a serious committed relationship, members will now have to worry about their prospective matches’ motivations (as if that wasn’t something they already had to worry about). Add to the fact that most of these members are high-profile personalities, now finding someone who likes you for you has become an even bigger guessing game.

Trying to determine if someone is interested in you and not your Instagram or Twitter followers, is a new reality that likely wouldn’t occur quite as easily on any other dating app. And if followers are not what they seek, one now has to wonder if they’re in it simply for the FOMO.

#3 They suck the joy out of dating

When singles on exclusive apps realize that their chances of finding a partner are no better than the next random guy, don’t think they’ll be lining up to try another app. Because, if you can’t find a partner with the rich and famous, then who’s left? What other options are available? And what does that say about your match-ability? Does this mean you are undesirable because you were unable to find “the one?”

On the surface, these apps appear to be a new and innovative way to meet compatible singles, but they are a gateway to pessimism. Singles need some level of hope or optimism to overcome the bad dates and general disappointments, but when the “holy grail of dating” doesn’t produce results, you are left wondering, “What’s next?”

Jasmine Diaz

Dating Strategist & Blogger, VeryUnmarried

Jasmine Diaz is a celebrity matchmaker and dating strategist with over 15 years experience helping singles nationwide. She has been featured in Huffington Post, NY Post, Marie Claire, Men’s Fitness, Brides, Refinery 29, Yahoo!, MTV, OWN, Bravo, VH1, ESSENCE, Ebony and Latina Magazines.

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