Ashley Madison: The Cost of an Affair

Dating expert and celebrity matchmaker, Jasmine Diaz, offers up her relationship advice exclusively on VeryUnmarried.

You have probably heard by now about the recent data leak on pro-marital affair website, AshleyMadison.com. With a tagline that reads, “Life is Short. Have an Affair,” and information about the website’s users being made widely available thanks to some gifted hackers, one would question whether an affair is truly worth it.

“What ever happens in darkness always comes to light,” is a saying many are using to describe their general feelings about the hack. And while that may be true, I still can’t help but wonder if the reward outweighs the risk. Why do people cheat when so much is at stake?

Society would have us believe that a one-night stand or a one-time affair is nothing to bark at. “Everybody does it,” they say. But when it can cost you your dignity, your family and your career, does it make sense to make such a decision even if done once? What about the lives of those who are not willing participants? The wives, husbands, children and loved ones who are ultimately impacted by your decision? Or does the need to please yourself cloud your judgment?

CNNMoney recently interviewed a woman known as “Ana,” who is said to be a highly successful and educated finance professional. She is a frequent user on Ashley Madison with what is alleged to be over 50 encounters. Her concern about the leak: she might lose her job. Not so much about the families who are likely to become broken by these encounters, but her employment.

This isn’t a small thing, I might add. To lose your livelihood simply because you could not find the self-control to “do the right thing” by only engaging single men is significant! One might argue that this alone would be a deterrent, and I would agree. Could you look at your child and tell them that mommy could not afford to feed you because she got fired from her job for cheating with her boss? I don’t think so!

Why not just end the relationship you are in if you are unhappy? Why pursue relationships with people who are considered taken? Perhaps you have been cheated on and want to “one up” your spouse or girlfriend to prove a point. My question is simple: Why?

To be caught in the moment is only possible if you allow yourself to get swept up in it. Do yourself a favor: don’t get swept up! Be fully aware of the decisions you are making as they may have dire consequences. That woman you take home from the bar just might become your stalker. If you think this is a ridiculous notion, I suggest you read here.

If you are dissatisfied with the relationship you are in, either do something about it to make it better (i.e. communicate with your significant other so change can occur) or get out! Life is too short to be unhappy. That I would say is true. But it’s too long to live with the consequences of poor decisions. So do yourself a favor, don’t start that affair.

What do you think? Have you been cheated on? Share your comments below.

Jasmine Diaz

Dating Strategist & Blogger, VeryUnmarried

Jasmine Diaz is a celebrity matchmaker and dating strategist with over 15 years experience helping singles nationwide. She has been featured in Huffington Post, NY Post, Marie Claire, Men's Fitness, Brides, Refinery 29, Yahoo!, MTV, OWN, Bravo, VH1, ESSENCE, Ebony and Latina Magazines.

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