I remember laying in the bed, crying myself to sleep every night for almost eight months because I couldn’t pay a guy to not abandon me. Then the switch happened: I go six men to propose to me in a six-month time frame. I would say is a modern day miracle; however, the miracle happened because I learned the two greatest reasons men pull away after starting a relationship.
Often, some of us women have the wrong idea about dating men, and it goes something like this: You meet Mr. Wonderful and he makes you feel like melted butter on the inside. Everything increases when he’s around, your smiles, your libido and your heart rate. He is your dream man. So you get on the phone, announce to all your girlfriends, “I think he’s the one. I never felt like this before and he knows exactly what to do to make me feel special.”
After the announcement, you devote all your time to him. Whenever he wants to hook up, you are available and you are planning the next dates because you feel like you cannot breathe without him. The brother even has you in the kitchen cooking his favorite meal, and you are also serving yourself as the dessert. I can see you now doing a bootylicious private dance to Beyonce’s, “Tonight I’m Gonna Dance for You.” You are serving it to him hot and he is enjoying every moment!
Then you notice he’s starting to pull away. He’s not calling you consistently; he’s making an excuse as to why he has not been over. He rarely has time for the romantic adventures you’ve planned, and now you shifted from the love bird to a crying dramatic, stalking angry mess! You are yelling instead of femininely communicating. You are making every meeting hell for him because you suspect he’s cheating. That’s the theme of your encounters. In addition,he won’t talk to you; at least he is not sharing what your burning ears really want to hear. He’s silent! So now you are crying every night and talking about what a dog he is because he is hurting you, and it appears as if he is heartless.
What happened? I am glad you asked.
1. From Meeting & Attraction to being an unassigned Wife!
You went from the meeting and attraction phase of the relationship, which is phase one, to being the unassigned wife too fast. According to Dr. John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, this is phase six of the relationship.
When you violate the stages of what makes healthy relationships, it almost always causes chaos in the union. It makes him pull away when he sees you are steering the relationship in a direction that he does not want to go. That is the man’s natural way of communicating that you are not “the one” for him. At least not at that moment.