Are You Having Emotionally Safe Sex?

VeryUnmarried welcomes its newest sex contributor, Nikki Ransom-Alfred

When many hear the words ‘safe sex’, they think condoms and dental dams, the physical aspects of sex.  This is because many, if not most, are completely unaware of the emotional dangers that accompany sex.  While you and your partner are enjoying an intimate encounter with each other, there are powerful chemicals being released into your body that are designed to cause one to fall in love.

During sex and at orgasm, the chemicals oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine are released into our bodies and these chemicals all promote feelings of love and long-term relationships.  Oxytocin in particular, when released at orgasm, biologically creates an emotional bond to your partner.  This is what makes “Booty Calls” and “Friends with Benefits” so emotionally dangerous, especially for women.  When this man is giving you sexual pleasure like no other man has before, the oxytocin-vasopressin-dopamine team is being released into your body and literally causing you to love and care for and want a relationship with a man that may not want a relationship with you.   And yes, this does happen in men as well, but it is their higher levels of testosterone that hinder the release of oxytocin causing them to not be affected the same as women.

Don’t blame the messenger; blame science.  Also women should take special note of this information, as we possess higher levels of oxytocin than men and are naturally emotional creatures.

If I can speak frankly for a moment ladies, I know we have all have had (or even still have) that man that we couldn’t stop seeing despite knowing that he was no good!  That man that could do things to your body that sent you to the glories of heaven and kept you opening your door at three in the morning because he was “thinking about you”.  You wanted to let him go and move on but for reasons you couldn’t explain, you loved him and wanted a life with him.  When he doesn’t commit to you and return your feelings, you beat yourself up and begin questioning and doubting yourself; you wonder why he can’t he love you the way you love him and inadvertently add to the emotional baggage you may have already been carrying.

With knowledge comes power and knowing that this chemical reaction happens inside of your body during sex will help you to begin having emotionally safe sex while you are dating and searching for your mate.  If a relationship is what you want, then waiting until a commitment has been established is best if you want to avoid falling in love prematurely and endangering your emotional well-being.

Practice safe sex!

Nikki Ransom-Alfred, Certified Master Sex Expert, Coach, and Educator

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