Ask Mrs. Jones! Is there really a such thing as “friends with benefits”?

Weekly relationship column by New York sexologist, Mrs. Jones.

Question

Is there really a such thing as ‘friends with benefits’? My best friend “Nila” and I are not a couple, but occasionally we hook up. I’m starting to notice that she is getting more possessive about things than she should, and I am starting to question if what we’re doing is really a benefit.

Nila’s been my best friend since junior high and now we’re 24. I just don’t want to lose her friendship, but I really like the sex. What should I do?

Friends with benefits is a tricky situation! It’s great when it works, but can get very ugly when it doesn’t. In order for it to work, both parties must be on the same page. Meaning: It has been discussed and made clear that no strings are attached.

Women tend to grow feelings more than men, especially if the sex is good. And in the orgasm world, men have to work harder to hit that right spot for women. In fact, there are some women who have never reached their peak vaginally from sexual intercourse. The reason I bring this up is to ask if you are hitting the right spot. My guess is you are and that is why she has become this over possessive “Best Friend.”

If you value what you have as best friends and are not willing to take this “friends with benefits” relationship to a more serious monogamous relationship, than stop the sexual intercourse.  You are walking on thin ice and can possibly lose it all! Sit her down over a beautiful candle lit dinner and explain how much you value her and your friendship. At that point you can determine whether or not she can handle this situation and you can make the decision that is best for you both.

Best of Luck!

xx

Mrs. Jones

Submit your questions now: askmj@veryunmarried.com and be sure to tweet us @VeryUnmarried with the hashtag #AskMrsJones

2 Comments
  1. In this instance, the person posing the question is best friends with the person they are hooking up with. Check out the story. It’s an interesting read

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