How to Deal With Rape Within a Relationship

When you’ve been in a relationship with someone who has violated you in such an impactful way, it can be hard to find a way through the pain. Lizzie R. shares her story so that you may be able to find hope.

From The Frisky:

I was always utterly convinced that I was stronger and more logically driven than the average woman when it came to dealing with relationships. I remember reading stories about women who stayed with men after being hurt by them; who made excuses for a man’s violation or abuse, swatting away any logical notion of leaving and taking their dignity with them. For what? Validation? I never understood what the hell that was supposed to mean. Rather than reaching out to friends, family or professionals for help, you stick around to be validated by the very person that took something from you? That, and all the other obscure, irrational reasons that are so often cited. I was convinced that I was far too strong and sensible to ever stick around after being treated poorly. I’d turn and leave the asshole to fester in his guilt … at the very least.

Well, when it happened to me I didn’t leave. As for excuses? I made a trillion of them.

We had been dating for a little over a year, on and off, but at this point, we’d decided to give the relationship a real shot. We even had a romantic trip away booked. One night, we had this nice, lazy movie night together, culminating in a hefty sex marathon. Seriously hefty, which was fucking great and nothing out of the ordinary, but it meant that in the morning, I was well and truly benched. Damn sore. He, on the other hand, was ready and raring to go again.

I lovingly but very firmly told him that there was no way; I’d burst into flames if we re-visited my vagina. He lovingly told me he’d “be quick.” I insisted I couldn’t. He whined that he hadn’t seen me for so long, that he’d missed me, and “Please?”

“No. Sorry. Physically incapable,” I told him.

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