VeryUQ: Does asking too many questions on a first date mean you’re desperate?

Each week, VeryUnmarried will post a new QUESTION OF THE WEEK with the goal of inspiring conversation. You can join the conversation here on VeryUnmarried.com, on Facebook, or on Twitter #VeryUQ.

Question

Does asking too many questions on a first date mean you’re desperate?

It can be argued that people who ask too many questions on a date are searching for clues on whether their date is relationship material. But, does this mean you are being desperate? Does inquiring too much suggest you’re hungry to find love? How can you tell the difference between desperation and conversation?

What are your thoughts? Share your comments below.

2 Comments
  1. Here’s how I think it can backfire. Asking a lot of questions might seem to convey interest, but it can actually signal that you’re more interested in your own agenda than who the other person is as an individual. Call it desperate or whatever you want. I’m just saying it can come across as false and self-centered. That’s the turnoff. Use questions creatively and only as needed, and above all use them as a doorway to learn about the other person, to enter into their world rather than a tool to extract what YOU’RE looking for. There’ll be enough clues to help you learn what you need to know without trying to play detective. We communicate far more than we realize, meaning when we ask we also conveying something about ourselves. So however we try to dress it up, our true colors will ultimately show. There are also differences in the way women and men ask questions, including what they intend and expect, but that’s another issue. Just start by asking yourself WHY you’re asking, and focus on finding that shared rhythm with your date, not setting the pace. Be prepared to take an interest in wherever the answers might lead.

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