VH1’s Hollywood Exes star, Andrea Kelly, shares her tips on how to get over a breakup
Andrea Kelly; former wife of R&B superstar, R. Kelly, has had her share of up’s and down’s, but for the last four years she has been paving her own way. After going through a very public and very unstable relationship, she has embarked on a journey of rediscovery. Affectionately known as “Drea,” Ms. Kelly no longer sits in the shadow of her ex-husband as she has made a name for herself as the very fabulous, outspoken and proud co-star of VH1’s Hollywood Exes.
Matchmaker and VeryUnmarried relationship expert, Jasmine Diaz, sat down with Drea to discuss how to get over a breakup, and when we say she had a lot to say, she had a lot to say! So grab yourself some tea and pull up to this article, because Drea has a lot of fabulous insight to share:
VeryUnmarried: So, we’re just going to jump right in. I know you were married to a very high-profile personality and after going through the valley in that relationship, I’m sure you have quite a bit of input to share with others who may be going through something similar.
Most people don’t know that their relationship is nearing its end, while others are very aware of where their relationship is headed. Are there any clear signs that people should watch for to better determine whether or not to move on? When is a breakup necessary?
Drea Kelly: You know, I wouldn’t say “clear signs to watch for” outside of [searching within] yourself. I think there are a lot of reasons why people are in relationships longer than they need to be, or we try to fix a relationship that shouldn’t be fixed. [It’s] because we’re looking outside of ourselves for that relationship to fulfill us.
Sometimes we have that superwoman syndrome and we feel like “he needs me to make him better, he needs me to help him get to the next level,” so we’re constantly in relationships looking outside of ourselves. But, if you just stay with or be self-reflective and say “you know what, is this relationship good for me? Because I have to fulfill myself; I have to make myself happy” or “Was I happy before I got into this relationship?” If you’re answer is no, it’s not the other person, it’s you! You have to be whole, you have to be happy, you need to be focused, you have to be well on your way to fulfilling your dreams before you get into a relationship with a person.
Before we say, “is this good or is this bad? Is this person doing…?” we need to be self-reflective. I do for me right now. I’m doing what I need to do for me right now. If you’re happy, you don’t need that outside person. It’s easier to make that decision [to leave], but yes, if you’re answer is constantly that other person, then yes you need to step away until you get yourself together.
VeryUnmarried: What do you think is the most difficult part about realizing that a relationship is over?
Drea Kelly: I would say, especially for women, we don’t ask for clarity. We all have strengths. We have the strength to stay in relationships to make it through, and we have the strength to leave. We have the courage to face anything with our partner, mate, husband, boyfriend; we have the courage to face the world with them. But, we don’t go into relationships with clarity, and when I say clarity I mean, I want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’ve done everything I can do, I’ve put up with whatever I can, I’ve tried to do everything I can to try to make this relationship work. At the end of the day I have to know that I’m walking away knowing that I gave it a great good old college try.
Women walk away and they’re like “well, could I have done more or maybe it was me?” No! When you ask God for clarity, he’ll let you know what was you in that relationship and what wasn’t. He’ll let you know “you’ve done all you can do it’s time to walk away.” And I think that’s [the reason] why women tend to go back to relationships, because they left without clarity. When you’re clear, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no going back. When you’re not clear and you don’t have clarity, you find yourself breaking up with this man and getting back together. No! When we’re done, we’re done! But, you have to be clear.
Pray for clarity when you’re ready to walk away. When you get to that point and when you get that answer, go with that; go with that gut feeling. Trust yourself. Women don’t trust their instincts. When something is not right, it’s not right! If the milk smells spoiled, you don’t need to taste it to know.