Weekly relationship column by New York sexologist, Mrs. Jones.
Mrs. Jones, I want to bring another partner to the bedroom, but I am concerned that my girlfriend might think I’m a cheater. Is there a delicate way to discuss this or should I just give up on the fantasy? We talked about it once or twice when we were dating, but never again since then.
Introducing another partner into the bedroom can bring up many emotions for any couple. In order for this to go smoothly, you each need to be open to discussing it.
I say bring it up to her again. Ask her what she thinks about it and what her concerns are regarding it. Reassure her that it’s not what she isn’t doing, but rather a fantasy of yours and how pleasurable it would be if she was in it.
I think many people fear, “What if he likes her better?” or “What if they meet without me?” This is where trust kicks in and it’s a major factor for these types of scenarios. Set rules and limits to where you guys are and are not willing to go. These types of concerns should be brought to the table beforehand so that you can come to a mutual agreement, so you will know how to handle certain situations if they were to arise.
Do not give up on it. Fish around the conversation; get a feel on what her thoughts are and how open she may be to do it. Reassure her and let her feel she is in control. Let her pick the type of person to bring into the picture. Keeping sexual relationships alive and interesting takes some exploring, but once the line of communication is brought to a place of understanding, your fantasy can become reality.
Submit your questions now: firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to tweet us @VeryUnmarried with the hashtag #AskMrsJones